Lashing out.

I’ve been doing some thinking. I’ve honestly been considering what it would take for me to threaten the mortality of my children. We’ve often heard “how could a parent do that” when referring to child abuse/neglect cases, leaving raw the wonderment of how a parent could beat a child to death. It’s really not that hard to understand. Leaving out the cliche about not understanding unless you’ve got kids, imagine the angriest you been at another human being. If you’ve ever been angry enough to cause physical damage, know that it’s possible to get that angry at a child. Children cause plenty of frustration, pain and fear, three of the commanding factors in violent acts. I would be lying if I said that I’ve never been angry enough at one of my children to cause them physical harm. I would be lying if I said there was never a moment in my kid’s young lives, that I wasn’t frustrated to the point of losing control. I think any parent would be lying if they said they’ve never been that angry. They’d lie because they’d be ashamed of admitting their anger. I mean really, they’re children right? How could they possibly do anything to invoke those emotions? The unfortunate thing is, it doesn’t take much. The nerve grating of a child who has screamed for 17 hours straight, the monotony of repeating a rule 300 times and it still not sinking in, the fear of having lost one who’s unable to protect themselves.

After reading about many child abuse scenarios over the last week, and pondering the situations when I’ve been extremely angry with one of my children, I’ve come to realize one thing. It’s not so much a reaction towards the child but rather my own lack of control over the situation. My own inability to prevent or predict the scene is what truly enrages me. It’s not what the kid has done to piss me off, because kids are kids, and I know that, it’s what I could have done to save us both the aggravation. The fact that I may have lost control, is my reason for losing control. Is this making any sense?

And I think, I’m not sure, but I think, that can be said for most people who strike out at a kid. They have lost some sort of control over the situation at hand, they have been put in a position that they may have prevented and losing total control is their reaction.

I’m not making excuses. I’m not trying to justify it. I’m just trying to understand it

2 Comments

  1. Susan said,

    March 17, 2010 at 2:28 am

    I was having some issues with my children today. I was thinking the same thing…how can I be so angry with them? They are just little people. After an hour of cool down and some serious crying on a friends shoulder, I found your blog. Thank you! I wasn’t sure if I was alone, because frankly no one I know will admit to becoming angry with their children.

    • March 17, 2010 at 6:58 am

      Susan, there are so many things that happen to moms everywhere that people just won’t talk about. It’s a shame really, because sometimes you just need to hear that what you’re going through is normal. I’m always willing to lend an ear, because I believe that it’s the easiest way to help someone, by being honest and letting them know that they aren’t alone. If ever you want a conversation, you know where to find me. Take care!


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