Before I throw myself back into the foray of blogging, I thought it would probably be best to recap where I’ve been for the past six months, what I’ve been up to, and the general goings-on in my world. I warn you, it’s not been the best of times, tragic and morbid more like, but since I’m a glass-half-full kind of gal, I’m looking forward to the second six months of this year with great anticipation.

I debated with myself for days over sharing recent events, because really, I’m not looking for any sort of sympathies, but I figured over the next several months I’d make references that wouldn’t be understood without explanations so it was probably best if I let you all in on the details in advance.

So here we go, in the best chronological order I can remember…

The year started off with a bang the moment my daughter and son in law walked in the door on New Year’s day with the news that they were having a baby. So much excitement! We were overwhelmed with joy and Paul and I quickly set about deciding what our monikers would be as grandparents. He was pretty content to settle on “papa” although traditionally, he should be a grand-dad, but I struggled. I really wanted to be known as “Nan” but worried that it would be stretched to “Nan-a” which just wasn’t going to work for me. I just knew that I didn’t want to be grandma or mee-maw, or god forbid, granny.

Shortly thereafter, we suffered our first financial strike in years. We are not overly wealthy people, but we ain’t broke either, which is a good thing because Paul faced a layoff for the first time in his life. More than the money woes, it was a rather sudden kick in the teeth. Paul filled his time being overly productive in other ways, renovating the fire hall and logging wood for the next several winters, while I sorted out the finances and came up with a way to make it work.

And then a family member was killed in an off-shore accident, which completely sent us all for a loop. Followed by our dog passing in the night.

February tumbled down the stairs like a drunk on a rampage. I suffer a mental illness that I have spent twenty years over coming, but February brought a relapse like no other. Two weeks of separation and some serious introspection brought all of the pieces of me back together.

As mentioned, by oldest was expecting. Now, this is a girl who was adamant that she was never having children. In fact, at twenty two years old, it’s the one thing she was positively sure of in her life, no question, she was not having kids. It took some time, but she opened up to the idea, and actually became encouraged by the prospect of being a mom. But once her brain and her heart settled into her new role, the medical testing began. Things were not right, things were not progressing as they should. When the doctors decided nothing could be fixed and that she needed to contemplate surgeries and alternatives, she decided to look back on her roots and let nature take its course.

Nature made her decision at the beginning of March, several long weeks later. We look on the experience as nature’s way of feeling out Kay’s choices about being a mother. Although she won’t be one soon, she will be one in the future. A dry run, so to speak. Extended family were distraught over the loss, but Kay feels she’s learned some valuable lessons about herself and her future. You wouldn’t buy a pair of shoes without trying them on, right?

Next up, murder. Yep. The daughter of a very close friend was murdered by her father in law, shot in cold blood in her home. Murdered by a work associate of Paul’s, which became a bit of a double edged sword. I don’t have the wits about me to elaborate much.

And then, on March 29th, just when things were simmering down, Paul had a heart attack. He thought it was strep throat. He suffered all night, before finally deciding the next morning that he needed a doctor. You know all those symptoms they teach you are signs of a heart attack? Numbness in the arm, clutching chest pain? Yeah, forget all that, because they aren’t what a heart attack looks like. Seriously, Paul thought he had strep throat. It wasn’t until the emergency room doctor plopped on the bed and said “So, you’re having a heart attack” that we realized it was something serious. He’d had two in fact, and the left side of his heart was in the process of shutting down completely.

Here we are now, almost two months later after a stay in ICU, an angioplasty, stent insertion and more life altering changes than I can wrap my head around, on the road to recovery. Do you know how difficult it is to come up with a “healthy” diet for a man who eats healthy in the first place? Lettuce has become his main food staple.

And money? What’s that?

Turns out, it was a blood clot, a fluke, let loose on a particularly strenuous training night with the fire department. One that for some reason didn’t dissipate, but rather, chose to lodge itself into a blood vessel in the left ventricle.

Add to those experiences the fact that I have still not replaced the modem on my computer and am therefore typing all of this on my blasted Blackberry, and you’ll see why I’ve not spent much time in the blogosphere.

What’s new with you?



  1. Diane said,

    May 26, 2011 at 5:12 pm

    Geez. Wow. Uhhh…

    Yeah, I…


  2. Melanie said,

    May 26, 2011 at 7:02 pm

    … ummm …ya…

    • May 29, 2011 at 7:47 am

      YOU! You need to write more too, or at least send me an email and let me know how things are these days.

  3. renxkyoko said,

    May 26, 2011 at 8:01 pm

    That’s a lot of blows. I hope everything turns out well for you soon.

  4. timethief said,

    May 26, 2011 at 9:08 pm

    My GAWD! I’m speechless. If you accept cyber hugs — here’s one from me.

  5. May 27, 2011 at 12:37 am

    I’ll give any of you a real hug, if you show up here to get it. (Our door’s always open for friends.) Mom’s got two stents. My choir director’s hubby has them. I’ve scrubbed in on a few dozen angioplasties. It’s simple, practical mechanical tech for our fluid systems. Our plumbing does wear out, and throws clots even if you do everything right. I’ll bet Paul feels a lot better after getting them.

    As far as the loss of the possible baby goes, that’s a hard experience. Many more pregnancies self-terminate than complete, but it’s usually so early that women don’t even notice a slightly heavier than normal monthly. Everything has to be very robust for full gestation. I don’t mean to sound so clinical, though. I’ve practiced “professional distance” for some time. I do know it hurts more when the possibility comes closer, so I am sorry for the pain you and she have suffered.

    I hope things settle down enough for you to be able to write lovely amateur doggerel, and posts about whatever you fancy.

    • May 29, 2011 at 8:12 am

      Some day, Mikey, I just might show up for that hug, you better have a pot of coffee on.

      Sometimes the clinical is the hardest part for me! Trying to find that balance between what’s natural and what’s manipulated. And I have a very strong “survival of the fittest” complex.

      Paul feels a hundred times better. He’s looking at three months of cardio rehab, but his doctor’s all look at it as a one time thing, because it was an injury related heart attack (as opposed to a cholesterol or stress related one) so his recovery should be 100%.

      I have a lot left in me to write! So, I too am hoping I find the time!

  6. Pie said,

    May 27, 2011 at 8:07 am

    SBC, if it wasn’t for the fact that your list of hammer blows were real, you’d think they were the ingredients for a TV movie disaster of the week – and you still wouldn’t believe it. That’s hardcore!

    I truly wish the best for your family and, as we are nearly at the halfway point of the year, things start to turn around for the better.

    • May 29, 2011 at 8:17 am

      Thanks Pie! I’m hanging on to the thought that things can only get better from here.

      We’ve actually joked quite a lot over the past months that life is playing out like a really bad mini-series. But that means a cheezy happy ending is in our future, so we’re trudging along!

  7. Mindless Rambler said,

    May 27, 2011 at 12:15 pm

    Big hugs from across the Atlantic xx

  8. willowbatel said,

    June 8, 2011 at 3:06 pm

    Ok seriously. Which god was having that bad of a day, because that’s rediculous. I’m flabbergasted.
    And as for your daughters baby; mother nature really does know what’s best. It’s difficult and regretable, but in the end it’s for the best i think.
    I hope things start looking up for you soon. You and your family are always welcome here if ever the need arises.

    • June 11, 2011 at 9:11 am

      Willow!!!! Hello, my dear! Oh, how I miss you!
      Life is running smoother these days, knock wood and touch iron, and we agree with you about Mother Nature. On a positive note, all of this has helped us see a lot of things in a better perspective, any lesson can be a good lesson so long as something is learned from it.
      Did I mention how much I miss you?

      • willowbatel said,

        June 13, 2011 at 2:04 am

        Haha. I miss you too. *cyber hug*
        I’m glad to hear that. The occasional blip in life is okay, but what you’ve gone through is something that should only occur on the pages of a (fictional) book.
        That’s so true? Can I use that? I really rather like that.
        If ever you need to talk, you know where to find me! I’ve slowed down on my blogging, but I’m never gone for more than a week. And you can email me of course, but it’s lucky if I check that once a month. A combination of blog and email is best I think.

        • June 13, 2011 at 8:51 am

          Your blog stats are going to go through the roof as I catch up on the last six months! I’ve kept up here and there, but I seem to have more time these days so I can go back and read more.

          I’m a firm believer in finding the positive in everything, even negative experiences. Sometimes it’s not easy, sometimes the lesson is hard to see, but there’s always one there. A few of my future blog posts will be about the good things that came from all the bad things we’ve been through.

          • willowbatel said,

            June 16, 2011 at 2:18 am

            Hahaha. well good. I’ll be glad to know someone’s actually reading my blog. The only thing that’s been keeping it “alive” is the eye candy competition posts. Somehow most of the pictures I posted are on the first page of google images for each respective person. Speaking of which, tell your girls hello from me! lol.
            Yes, I agree. I guess I never really thought about it as a lesson though. Something happens, you learn from it, and adapt. It’s something I’ve always done, not always thought about the process of doing it per say.
            And I look forward to reading them.

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