} Crazy Cat Lady?

My cat, Portia, is one of my closest friends. But, not in your typical, crazy cat lady, I love my cats, my cats eat better than me, kind of way. I have only one and we are kindred spirits, she is my familiar.

She would never allow me to coddle her in ways crazy cat women coddle their cats. There is no “cootchiecoo, here kittykittykitty, where’s my little snookie-wookums” interaction between Portia and I…or anyone else for that matter. That is not to say that Portia and I don’t share a great deal of affection for each other, but it’s on a respectful, intelligent level. If you attempt to “pamper” or “baby” Portia, as some crazy cat women tend to do with their cats, she will look at you with disdain and instant disregard and walk away, not returning until you grow up and act your age.

Portia is an intelligent cat, if one believes in the validity of the intelligence of animals, and comprehends beyond simple phrases. Saying things such as “Portia, I think you should stop doing that” rather than “kitty, no” or “Portia, I don’t want you on the table right now” as opposed to “Portia, get down” will warrant you a greater reaction from her. She’s not simple-minded and doesn’t appreciate being treated as such.

Like most cats, Portia responds to the sound of a can opener, but unlike most cats, knows the difference between a can of tomato paste being opened and that of canned fish.

She is deeply attuned to the energy of those around her. My friends know that when they visit, Portia will instantly give away the fact that they are menstruating. All of my friends have accepted the fact that Portia will “do her thing” and everyone around will become aware of their feminine wiles. There’ve been times when Portia has “done her thing” and a friend has remarked “oh, I must be getting my period”. A little too much 411 perhaps, but I want you to get the impression here, that *I* am not the crazy one.

Portia’s ability to sense things makes her a great comfort to have around. In moments of grief or discontent, she makes herself such a force to be reckoned with that the grieved forgets themselves for a moment and finds a sense of peace. It has been said that all animals, when you interact with them, will bring a sense of comfort, but with Portia, it’s a little different. You don’t actually have to interact with Portia, you simply just need to be in her associated space.

I’m going to go so far as to say that Portia can speak in a language that humans can understand. This is not to say she can speak English with a literary vocabulary, but she does use her voice in a manner that makes it clear of her expectations. And her manner of speaking is very consistent. She makes the same sound every time, when she wakes from a nap and doesn’t immediately know where I am. Her note of disapproval is the same whether I’m concocting a tea she doesn’t approve of, or when she thinks I’m not in the right mood for baking a successful batch of cookies. Yes, she is that vocal that she offers her opinion at every opportunity.

Call me crazy? Perhaps. But, before you do, I’d like you to take into account the various places Portia chooses to rest her head, before you pass judgement on the crazy one in this house.

I’ve also sat down on the toilet on occasion and have been startled to find her balanced precariously on the shower curtain rod, sawing logs.

There was also the time when I slammed the back door, only to have her fall on my head from her perch ON the door itself. Suffice it to say, we look up before we act!




  1. Seon said,

    March 6, 2010 at 5:21 pm

    Interesting read! Your post reminded me of the article I recently read about a cat that lived in a Nursing home. What was special about this cat, was the ability to sense with consistent accuracy, when one of the residents was about to die. I have always been curious about cats, and would like one day to have one as a pet.

    • March 12, 2010 at 9:48 am

      That would certainly be an interesting sight to encounter. You hear stories of animals being able to sense impending doom, like earthquakes and hurricanes, but to see one sense the oncoming death of a human would be pretty intense.

  2. willowbatel said,

    March 7, 2010 at 1:51 am

    This reminds me of a movie I saw once. I wish I could remember what it was called. But it was about a witch and her cat named Piwakit. The cat was her familiar and was very intelligent.
    What exactly is “her thing”?
    My cat is, or rather, was (she died about a week ago) was very vocal also. She would talk to you, and respond to you. You could literally carry out perfectly normal conversations with her, and know exactly what she was saying. Now that I think about it I do actually miss her. Anyway, you could ask her to do something and she would do it; she was rather brilliant.

    • March 12, 2010 at 10:05 am

      First, she stares intently at you (well, not YOU, ’cause you’re a BOY…lol) She gets right in your face, like 6 inches away, she’ll get up on the table and sit RIGHT in front of you. And she’s persistent, there is nothing short of locking her up that will make her stop. If you’re on the sofa or even the floor she still finds away of getting up close and personal. If you try to look around her, or away from her, she moves her head to block your view, so that she is the only thing you see. Which makes people back away from her, because it’s really intimidating. Once you back away, she steps down on to your abdomen and nudges EVERYTHING away. If there’s a purse in your lap, or a sweater or your hands, anything, she will push it onto the floor. She even pushes your shirt up with her nose. Then she lies down, but not in your typical “curl up in your lap” kinda way. She lays flat out, with her front paws hanging over your right hip, and her back paws hanging over your left hip, so that the underside of her belly is completely pressed against you, hip to hip. She bites if you try to pet her or move her, which is why everyone just lets it happen. She’ll lay like that for about 10 minutes or so, not moving, not making a sound, perfectly still, then she takes off like a bat out of hell. It literally stops conversation until you let her get comfortable.
      Okay, I’m confused….the cat’s not dead right? Did your dad ever end up taking her to the vet?

      • willowbatel said,

        March 12, 2010 at 10:23 pm

        Hahaha, brilliant. I’m too much of an animal lover for that to work with me though. I’d be the one to pick her up and put her on my lap, instead of waiting for her to do it. But then, I’d be talking to her in a baby voice the entire time, so she wouldn’t come within 3 feet of me, lol.
        My cat IS alive. I commented on here minutes after my sister told me that my dad thought she was dead. The day after I commented on this, my sister found out she wasn’t dead. So sorry about all that confusion lol.

  3. sckgrl said,

    March 9, 2010 at 11:55 pm

    I loved reading this! I can relate, although…I must admit I am a baby talker. My little Asia has been in my life for 8 years and she and I have been through a lot together.
    I think a lot of people have a hard time understanding human/animal relationships and the depth that those relationships can run.
    Thank you for sharing this! I love the photo of her on the sewing machine! Classic.

    • March 12, 2010 at 10:10 am

      Some cats like the “cootchie-coo” stuff. I’ve always wanted the kind of cat you see on commercials…the one that’s purring all the time, wanting to snuggle and cuddle, charging to the door to greet you. Portia just looks at me like “Oh, you’re home, how nice”.

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